My doctor told me that my hair should fall out within the next week or so, but I’m not ready. I think a lot of people with cancer struggle with body image issues, I just didn’t think that I’d be the one to be so nervous about losing my hair, especially considering the fact that as a swimmer I shaved every square inch of my body (except my eyebrows and what a Speedo covered) multiple times. I guess it’s that this time, when I don’t have any hair, and it’s out of my control, the secret with be out, so to speak, and it’ll be harder to blend in with a crowd and pretend nothing’s wrong.
I have a slightly irrational fear that that’ll mean I’ll have to explain what cancer’s like to every acquaintance that happens to walk by and say hello, and to be honest, I really prefer to talk about anything but cancer if at all possible, especially if it’s someone I’m not all that close to. I’m sure I’ll be over it all in no time, but it’s still an unexpected source of anxiety to wonder, every single day, when I scratch my head or play with my hair and think, “Is this the day my hair will leave me in clumps?”
I think I may just buzz as much hair off as I can tonight anyway.
The 2nd round of chemo hasn’t treated me nearly as bad as the first, but I’m still trying to figure out exactly how my body handles it all. I’m fatigued, but not as bad as last time where I was mostly incapacitated. I was very flushed on Tuesday and Wednesday, but I’m not sure why or how that all works. I felt warm, but not feverish-warm, and my skin looked a bit like I had a sunburn. It was slightly uncomfortable, but not painful. The metallic taste in my mouth didn’t kick in until today, and hopefully will only stick around for a few more days. So it goes.