She needs a name

sometimes i spoil myself

At the beginning of March, before I had a lump take residence in my neck, I ordered a new bike.  A custom fit, carbon fiber bike, which is damn sexy if I must say so myself.  After a few delays waiting for parts from Taiwan and the fact that I haven’t exactly been able to ride a bike for awhile, it was all built up and I finally picked it up last Thursday.  I had Friday off of work, and for once my legs weren’t wet noodles, so I went for my first ride it what seems like ages.

It took a little to settle into a rhythm and remember how to ride smooth, but I survived an hour on the quiet roads south of Holland, and only stopped because I didn’t want to push things too far.  I’ve never ridden a bike that jumps like that when I stand up to pedal.  I can’t wait to get out again, but Monday was my 3rd round of chemo, and I’m in no shape to do that right now.

It was also my first checkup with my oncologist, and I guess all things considered, everything’s going about as well as it can.  My bone marrow biopsy was negative, my blood work isn’t too bad except for my white blood cells counts, and the physical side effects of all the toxins I’m being fed aren’t as bad as they could be.  And I still haven’t lost my hair, but my nurse assured me, “this next dose will take care of that”.  The plan is to get another PET scan in about 3 months to see how much cancer has been killed, and until then, just to continue with chemo and recovery as normal.  I like to tell myself that my body is handling this all relatively well because I was so healthy beforehand, but I really have no idea if there’s any truth to that.  It just feels good to rationalize it like that.

I spent the weekend with family in Ohio for Lydia’s graduation, and it’s hard to imagine that my own college graduation was 3 years ago already.  Sometimes it feels like I haven’t done much growing up in that time.  All those existential questions that new grads face, I have yet to solve any of them.

One thought on “She needs a name”

  1. I think you should call her Grace, in honor of how you’re handling your life and the challenges that you’re facing. You’re doing so well, Luke! I continue to think of you and hope for a masterful slaughter of this thing. Always, Jenny

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